"You tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake…You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that."
For Women Who Are Difficult to Love, Warsan Shire (via theseliteraryquotes)
Second piece - frills vulvas by Lisa Garbage Face 2012
you say you want to die but,
you still put that seat belt on
and look both ways before crossing the street
you lock your windows and doors
you would scream if someone was following you late at night
you would run for your life
but you do want to die
you just want to die on your own terms.
I have this on my blog like 6 times its amazing
Anonymous asked: what is the worst part of having an eating disorder?
I’m not sure how to answer this because there is a multitude of struggles you go through and each are the “worst” in their own way. So I’ll just answer by saying that the worst stage of my eating disorder has always been the transition from sick back into recovery. That sounds pretty backwards I know, because why would the worst part be getting better?
Ana/Mia is like an addiction. Given that I’m also addicted to smoking/nicotine, I’d like to think I have a pretty well rounded understanding of what addiction means. When completely absorbed in the addiction, you dont see the harm it is doing to you. That is what has made getting better so hard for me. When I’m at my ‘worst’, there’s this kind of euphoria that comes with it. A sense of pride at being a successful disordered eater- having control over my body and mind.
Getting better means losing that. It means letting yourself lose control and be imperfect. To the ordered eater, regular mind, that is being healthy and happy with who you are. To the disordered eater, that is chaos. That stage between being sick and becoming healthy IS chaos. It is the time I have to face the harsh reality of what I am doing to my mind and body and to overcome it. The shame and guilt that I feel when I look at my illness behaviour is what makes starting recovery the worst part for me, because to me, it is infintely more mentally and physically challenging than just “being sick.”
Nice indicator dickhead!"
So fucking true.(via gnostic-forest)
"Do not mock a pain that you haven’t endured."
Unknown (via felicite)
When [an abusive man] tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn’t do something even worse. For example, I might say, “You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were ‘totally out of control’ at that time, but you didn’t kick her. What stopped you?” And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations:
"I wouldn’t want to cause her a serious injury."
“I realized one of the children was watching.”
“I was afraid someone would call the police.”
“I could kill her if I did that.”
“The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid the neighbors would hear.”
And the most frequent response of all:
"Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”
The response that I almost never heard — I remember hearing it twice in the fifteen years — was: “I don’t know.”
These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients’ loss of control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: “Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel, gross, or violent?”
A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can’t remember a client ever having said to me: “There’s no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong.” He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.
I sometimes ask my clients the following question: “How many of you have ever felt angry enough at youer mother to get the urge to call her a bitch?” Typically half or more of the group members raise their hands. Then I ask, “How many of you have ever acted on that urge?” All the hands fly down, and the men cast appalled gazes on me, as if I had just asked whether they sell drugs outside elementary schools. So then I ask, “Well, why haven’t you?” The same answer shoots out from the men each time I do this exercise: “But you can’t treat your mother like that, no matter how angry you are! You just don’t do that!”
The unspoken remainder of this statement, which we can fill in for my clients, is: “But you can treat your wife or girlfriend like that, as long as you have a good enough reason. That’s different.” In other words, the abuser’s problem lies above all in his belief that controlling or abusing his female partner is justifiable…."
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)
"Superheroes live in a world of good and evil, and she’s far more complex than a superhero. She’s been compromised. She’s been subjugated. She’s been marginalized. She’s been swept into the gutter and she’s had a part of it. She dresses like trash because she’s somebody who has been betrayed and hurt so badly, by forces beyond her control, that she’s just decided to be refuse."